The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
