What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize