you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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