Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
