I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
