I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
