Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
