I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
