Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
