i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Too much gin, very little bucket
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
