i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
