i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
