I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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