omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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