I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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