Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
