walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
