Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
