we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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