There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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