My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
