I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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