omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
