umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
