i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
