my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
