Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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