Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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