Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize