OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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