Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They took my balls.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
