I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
