kristin has been a bad kristin
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
