I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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