is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
