you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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