I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
