I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize