I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
