I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
