They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
