The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize