the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
