I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
