Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
