I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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