the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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