Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
