I hate your face
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she woke up with a sticky ear
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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