I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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