just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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