Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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