apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
