I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
