Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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