wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
