did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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