I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
