my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He better not be in your backpack
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
