I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
