I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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