More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
