Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
