is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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