just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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