a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
