My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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