he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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