What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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