that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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