I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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