As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
