can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
