remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
