they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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