shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
