i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
