If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
