Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
