I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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