We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize