I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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