Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
