I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
