Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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