dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
