No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
