My room smells like vodka and shame
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
In America we eat man semen.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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