It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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