But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
