i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had to coat check the pizza.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
