Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
